PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED MIND

[Lizabel]

PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED MIND

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,

but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,

because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.

One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:

'Keep off the Grass.'

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

16. A backward poet writes inverse.

17. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.

In feudalism it's your count that votes.

18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

[Marana Rich]

Sorry, I am a high school drop-out.

[Bigfoot]

I liked them...especially the math related ones.

[jstrutt]

Better then some of Big Tom's but not that much 3/10.............I liked #7.

[John Syb]

These are old but I suppose that they fit in this thread. Most of them are Stephen Wright things....

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train

stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up

with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more

as they get older, then it dawned on me..they were cramming for their finals.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons

and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are

we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put

their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them

while they delivered the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS

here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still

wrong?

Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Think "honk" if you're telepathic.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a

hostage situation?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.

I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has

been dissing them anyhow?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the

water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are

furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people

appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as

cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

[Marco]

If there are two lists and the second one sucks more than the first one ..then does the first one suck first? The first one was great!

[Bigfoot]

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? So true, so true