Devryn Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Being a former Air Traffic Controller...I thought these were funny...I think ANYONE could see the humor.Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!" Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!" ************************************************************************Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees." TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make uphere?" Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a727?" ************************************************************************ From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:"I'm f...ing bored!" Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourselfimmediately!"Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!" ************************************************************************O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, yourtraffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got thelittle Fokker in sight." ************************************************************************ A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Whileattempting to locate the aircraft on radar,ATC asked, "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff." ************************************************************************ A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down. San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the endof the runway, if you are able.If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make aright at the lights and return tothe airport." ************************************************************************ A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheardthe following: Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English." Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, inGermany. Why must I speak English?" Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful Britishaccent): "Because you lost the bloody war!" **************************************************************************Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency124.7"Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By theway,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: " Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,contact Departure on frequency 124.7.Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?" BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; andyes, we copied Eastern...we've already notified our caterers." ************************************************************************** One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold shortof the active runway while a DC-8landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back pastthe Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,"What a cute little plane.Did you make it all by yourself?" The Che rokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, cameback with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one." ************************************************************************While taxiing at London's Gatwic k Airport, the crew of a US Air flightdeparting for Ft. Lauderdalemade a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An iratefemale ground controller lashed outat the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn rightonto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult foryou to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was nowshouting hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up!It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't movetill I tell you to!You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, andI want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air2771?""Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terriblysilent after the verbal bashing ofUS Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate groundcontroller in her current state of mind.Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.Just then an unknown pilot brokethe silence and keyed his microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to youonce?" ************************************************************************The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as ashort-tempered lot. They not only expectone to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there withoutany assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to thefollowing exchange between Frankfurtground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."Ground round (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have younot been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And Ididn't land." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P51tj Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 All good!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loud Pedal Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstrutt Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Z O SICK Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 My buddy is an ATC. I'll have to send this to him lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert and Elizabeth Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Those were all great 10/10!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sidewinder Posted January 31, 2008 Share Posted January 31, 2008 Have you heard about the one where the jet locks on to the police radar with it's "auto defense system?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChadC Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Have you heard about the one where the jet locks on to the police radar with it's "auto defense system?" lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donbecker Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 that was sweet!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 7 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 that was sweet!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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