Guest Kens06 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 Feel free to add your fav's!!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A group of senior citizens was sitting around talking about their ailments:"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one."Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another."I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement."My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on."I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.Then there was a short moment of silence."Well, its not that bad, said one woman cheerfully. Thank God we can all still drive!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie44 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 The first one's so true! It scares me to drive when you see someone get out of the driver's side and grab their walker to get into the mall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kens06 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 The first one's so true! It scares me to drive when you see someone get out of the driver's side and grab their walker to get into the mall. You mean like yesterday!! OH, BTW Eddie, I love your 'on ramp merging technique'..........Hammer it!! Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddie44 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 The first one's so true! It scares me to drive when you see someone get out of the driver's side and grab their walker to get into the mall. You mean like yesterday!! OH, BTW Eddie, I love your 'on ramp merging technique'..........Hammer it!! KenGotta get up to speed you know. I hate people that try to merge at 45 mph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmartin Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 The first one's so true! It scares me to drive when you see someone get out of the driver's side and grab their walker to get into the mall. You mean like yesterday!! OH, BTW Eddie, I love your 'on ramp merging technique'..........Hammer it!! KenGotta get up to speed you know. I hate people that try to merge at 45 mph. I totally agree with ya eddie but Im shure the peoples on the freeway hate it when I try to merge at 95 mph too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anmracing Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 So that's what the big kids were talking about at Hooters yesterday? Shew, I guess we couldn't have added to that conversation... Having lived in Mesa for ten years, I know how many of the oldsters are driving around causing trouble...thankful to be in the big city now. M~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert and Elizabeth Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 We love those jokes Ken Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marana Rich Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?' Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.' Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?' 'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jstrutt Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Three great jokes The first one reminds me of the time we were in Vegas and this little old lady came to the machine by Karen and was bitchin about how bad her legs were and how slow she moved. That was great up until the time she hit $800. Never saw a pair of legs move so fast.................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert and Elizabeth Posted September 17, 2007 Share Posted September 17, 2007 Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?' Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.' Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?' 'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?' 'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?' 'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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