Funny ones

[roneva]

I lived in a houseboat for a while, and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually we drifted apart.   My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I'm going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.    A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, that's the last thing I need.   The neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.   100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.  Oh how the stables have turned.     My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess." "Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright." "No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker." "I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."   Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market? It was a Big McSteak.