Economic Stimulus

[Chameleon]

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus.

It is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q&A format:

 Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?

A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

 Q: Where will the government get this money?

A: From taxpayers.

 

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?

A: No, only a smidgen of it.

 

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?

A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.

 

Q: Isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:

 

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.

* if you spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Arabs.

* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.

* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile and Guatemala.

* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.

* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.

* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 

Instead, keep the money in America by:

(1) Spending it at a yard sale

(2) Going to a ballgame

(3) Spending it on prostitutes

(4) Beer

(5) Tattoos

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

 

CONCLUSION:

Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.

 No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.